lifedocumentary

2012-02-04T01:54:00.002+08:00

Omg, EXCITED MUCH.

Offers from York PPE and Edinburgh Sociology and Politics.

Waiting for Warwick! So exciting.

Just came back from a camp with some sec 1s. They are annoying and rather cute at the same time. Oh wells. Kids ah kids.

And seriously, please cut the acting for some people. It doesn't make you cool just because you act like a big shot and call people names and laugh around. Yes, I can take jokes, of course. But cut the acting if that isn't even your true self. It ain't cool and I'm not gonna pity you.

Peace.

2012-01-29T10:16:00.001+08:00

There's always an incentive to slack off. Or influenced by others who are there to do nothing.

But at the end of the day, you gotta ask yourself what kind of person you are.

So true.

2012-01-29T01:44:00.001+08:00

Next time, there will be no next time.

2012-01-28T01:12:00.000+08:00

So close.

2012-01-27T10:52:00.001+08:00

No response or...maybe no one bothers. :/

I'm a lil hyper these days. Think that might be annoying to some. Haha

We lose touch, we forget and we move on.

2012-01-25T00:40:00.001+08:00

Celebrated 21st with my relatives....was quite fun.

Guess everything went better than expected.

2012-01-24T08:27:00.002+08:00

I got a hangover...wooooohoh. I have been drinking too much.....

No I haven't been drinking at all.

21st has been pretty boring up till now. Seems like it's gonna be a long boring day.

On a side note, it is pretty interesting to wonder how many people I will be able to invite if I had a mega-birthday party kinda thing. 6/1, 2D, 4B, NPCC, MAD, S60, BSP, random friends...

2012-01-23T01:13:00.000+08:00

20 years and 364 days old...and counting.

2012-01-22T20:34:00.002+08:00

http://sg.entertainment.yahoo.com/blogs/going-out-by-day/dance-competition-gives-urban-arts-pore-whirl-080542560.html

Was looking at the comments of this article.

Only makes me think, 'Why are there so many idiots in Singapore?' and how hard it is to be a politician - anything you do is being criticised. Seriously, do people have to link everything to 'PAP', 'high salaries', 'CPF' and stuff? People say shit no matter what you do. So, fuck them.

There are better things to do than ranting over the internet.

If you're so concerned about anything, you should get out there and do something.

Oh damn.

2012-01-20T13:40:00.001+08:00

不要太在意。

2012-01-19T23:43:00.000+08:00

The next time I will pluck up my courage.

2012-01-18T13:11:00.003+08:00

I got my driving license (yesterday)!

But had to survive some serious trolling by the tester.

That dude almost gave me immediate failure because he insisted that I did not give way to one of those stoning pedestrians at zebra crossing. I don't know what the heck the person was doing there, being indecisive about crossing the bloody road. Anyway, I did not bother arguing with him and kinda accepted fate.

So, I simply drove around the roads and could not be bothered. Towards the end of the test, out of the blue, he told me he would give me a chance this time and, apparently, he did not fail me for that stupid thing. I had no idea what he was trying to do - messing with my mind?!

Followed him up the office and then he passed me the result slip. It wrote 18 points. Like dafaq?! 18 points, out of which 14 points were given when I went out of the circuit. I don't even remember making any mistakes along the main roads. Perhaps I overlooked once or twice...but 14 points worth of mistake and I don't even remember making one? I don't know man. Either I'm a bad driver or...I have short term memory loss.

Zzzz, anyway okay.

Conclusion is, I passed.

Don't know what the tester wanted to do. Threatened me with immediate failure, gave me 18 points (20 points to fail), but passed my driving test in the end.

Either I got lucky, or he was out to mindfuck me from the start.

Aiya, whatever. Haha.

2012-01-18T13:08:00.002+08:00

There's no need to worry about commitment level. If you are someone who cares about something, you end up doing the things anyway.

Those who don't bother will never do. Even if they have less commitments, more time and all that.

It's all talk.

2012-01-17T23:02:00.003+08:00

One of the greatest thing I learnt from my college CT was to be able to see things in perspectives.

Don't let the rat race in today's world affect what you would have otherwise wanted to do.

As long as you know what you're doing, have faith and keep going.

2012-01-14T01:32:00.001+08:00

Act like they're mature but they're not.

Wtf is wrong with kids these days?

2012-01-08T21:53:00.001+08:00

Anyway, I should invest some time in studying web designing and stuff.

Somehow people look for me to do web design, for idk what reason. I don't even advertise myself. :/ Lol.

Seems like good business anyway.

2012-01-08T21:38:00.002+08:00

21st birthday.....I think I'm gonna spend it stoning through 2nd day of CNY.

Why everyone's 21st birthday so 隆重?

Haha, too lazy to organise anything anyways.

>:

2011-12-29T14:33:00.005+08:00

First clubbing experience yesterday night @ Butter Fac.

I concluded that,
1. Rocking to the beat yourself is so....foreveralone.

2. Grabbing some random girl and grinding her is so....wrong.

3. Drinking makes you fat.

Therefore, I find it...rather boring.

End of story.

2011-12-21T23:35:00.000+08:00

2011-12-19T01:44:00.004+08:00

Back from Taipei, Taiwan!

Ate damn a lot of xiaochis, shopped damn a lot of yeshis.
Nt bad, quite fun :D

Just that I realised I bought really few things.
One Ipad cover, four tshirts, 2 small bags, 1 jacket and food.
That's all :/

MAD ♥

2011-12-09T22:25:00.000+08:00

Life without Fireworks suck. ):

I'm using Powerpoint to create images.

2011-12-05T11:44:00.002+08:00

Proud finisher of 42.195km Standard Chartered Marathon! :D

Heehee, 05:56:14! Sub-6hrs. I think that's not bad for a first marathon right. To be frank, didn't really train for it.

Lol, longest distance I ran before that was 21km during 1/2 marathon. Weeks before, I only did 5-10km runs once or twice a week. D:

Haha, good run anw! Woo.

2011-12-02T00:57:00.002+08:00

MAD over council, I still believe that it was the right choice.

Anw, my bio clock is tuned to run Sundown Marathon than Standard Chartered. Gonna freaking die on Sunday. :/

2011-12-01T04:11:00.004+08:00

Anyway, all out respect to Shao Wee.

Sometimes I feel lucky to know people like him.

Though I don't entirely agree with some of his views. Then again, it's not like we can ever find people whose views we can agree completely with. It's just impossible - it's either the person doesn't make sense, you don't make sense or both of you have no common sense.

2011-12-01T02:53:00.005+08:00

Spent time talking with Shao Wee and the group of us at 6th avenue. Talked about hell lot of things. Dance, MAD, society, life.

Came across this video while we were talking about dance, bboying.

While I may not agree with what he said totally, I respect him for having his views on the dance and culture which he loves. Been there and done that, I guess it is really painful and frustrating for him to see what is happening right now. I can sense that frustration that he couldn't help it but he grabbed a mike and spoke to the crowds.

Anyway, I went back to dance camp today. I felt really old. It's like I watched the current batch play those group games and their performances. I can see that they're having fun. As usual, it's the guy-girl thing and making fun of each other blahblah. I was thinking...I would definitely have second thoughts about it if you tell me to play such games now. You just feel so old, so out-of-touch and all these school-day fun seems so foreign and distant. Haha, lao le.

All MAD matters from here on.

When I look at the juniors, I don't know half of them. And, in the mind, what I thought was: "I'm not really interested in wanting to know them. So old already, never mind lah." I guess that is what most of us are thinking. Not a good thing, I must say. But it seems that we're not as rejected/neglected by most of the juniors anyway. It's perhaps a good sign. But we really must communicate more with the juniors.

It's not like the seniors come back and impose on them very badly. I don't know why I sometimes feel like we're seen as problems-to-handle rather than people-to-come-and-help-handle-problems. It's annoying. Sometimes I feel like I am some foreign entity, from perhaps some other CCA or some other school. Hello, we're people who been there, done that and trying to offer our experiences in a friendly manner. What is this man? I was really pissed off with some things that happened but....forget it.

Haha, I was rather surprised to hear one of them putting my name with the word "legendary". Lol, and the few of us talked about project work again. My glorious past. Happy, but yeah truly surprised. Because it's not my style to seek recognition - never been bothered about such things. Work for something because you believe in it. Feel the sense of purpose in it. The awards will come, the prizes will come, the recognition will come. Not the other way round. Haha, guess I'm really so used to it anyway! Slogged all my life, be it in sec, jc or army. Sometimes the work really feels so demeaning and meaningless, but it is really only as meaningless as what you see it to be. I'm not interested in the juniors having to show respect to me. I'm even perfectly fine if I have to do saiking or menial tasks for them, should they need any help. But what I am unhappy with is how I could possibly be doing the saiking for them when they are not doing any themselves?! Wtf is this.

End of MAD matters

Be it the questions over culture and dance for bboy, this whole senior-junior MAD thing or the society in general, they all bring us to the same theme. We're all taking things for granted and showing no appreciation. We're enjoying the fruits of those who laboured before us. But no one gives a damn about what happened previously. Few bother to try to understand the circumstances in the past - why things were done in a certain way or why they were even done, what challenges were faced - and realise how lucky they are right now. We're all about looking into the future and wanting to be better, stronger, faster, whatever. But what do you know of the future if you don't know the past.

This is why we need to all go study history.

End.

2011-11-30T00:59:00.001+08:00

There are no permanent friends. Only permanent interests.

2011-11-30T00:45:00.000+08:00

Through adversity, we grow.

2011-11-30T00:39:00.002+08:00

I swear I hate people who act/are intellectual but don't do shit.

2011-11-28T23:59:00.005+08:00

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO BLOODY COMPLICATED?

I AM SO TIRED WITH RATIONALISING EVERY GOD DAMN THING IN MY LIFE.

Things would be simpler if we choose to not think so much.

And it would even better if there wasn't so much things to think about in the first place.

Somewhere, at the back of my mind, I am asking myself, 'But is that what I want? To live without thinking.'

SEE, THIS IS WHAT I MEAN. OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD. RAAAAAAAH.

2011-11-28T21:41:00.012+08:00

"We are creatures who seem to constantly seek approval of who we are and what we do." I admit I am one. Sometimes, when our opinions get shot down, it does make you feel a little bit...out of place. This is what I am somewhat feeling right now.

Recently, I have been spending much time discussing MAD matters at great length. I do not hide, at least among the seniors, how unconvinced I am with the way things are run today. I guess it is plain EQ not to express my feelings to the juniors yet. Nonetheless, I have absolutely no qualms with telling the juniors what I think in their faces.

I guess that is pretty much my way of doing and seeing things. If you are not happy with something, you tell (or find a way to tell) the person in the face. We both take it like matured, intelligent people. We have our disagreements and we thrash things out with one another. We might come to a consensus, or we might not. And if we don't, we respect each other's point of view and we carry on to do our own things based on whatever we believe in. But you talk it out like a man.

Over time, I do realise my attitude may be somewhat dominating or perhaps even domineering. Which I don't really find anything wrong with. At the very least, I am convinced that I am doing the right thing and my motivations are morally sound. Although I must say, I then often question myself, 'What is the morally right thing to do?'.

@jonathan perhaps realigning expectations might be healthier. the bottomline for me is let them do what they like, alumni simply advises. the stakes of alumni is only as great as what the current batch wants the alumni to be. so if this batch doesn't like it, i'm afraid that we just have to accept it and work around such limitations. should we impose, it is likely to only be counterproductive because it may diminish alumni-relatability in the long run. the knowledge we have will only be useful if we can convey it in a palatable manner. there is no point if we have valuable information but they just block themselves out. no one likes to be force fed information; we all hate stupid sergeants who tekan and talk shit just because they have some stupid rank. it is a delicate balance of expectations between two parties for communications to work. i think we may need to rethink how to achieve this.

Words from Kah How, MAD pres 10/11. His words made me think - no one likes to be forced. Of course, we hate people who impose their thoughts on us. I agree with him.

But what struck me most was how our attitudes have changed, so strikingly different from the society I grown up in. While all of us today enjoy the liberty to reason, rationalise, redress justice (imo, justice in our own interest) and so on, we seem to be very convinced that we are doing it correctly. You know...there is a difference between the two - being able to and being capable of. While one can reason that our newfound liberty ultimately does us more good than evil, I have my reservations. There are some things that are worth learning from the very ideas which are supposedly imposed upon us. We have, sometimes, dismissed them too quickly to even notice their presence.

We are all entitled to our opinions. I share mine with people who I can trust them with. Though I hope I can come to trust all who are around me, there are bound to be some who simply cannot be trusted. The rest is merely EQ/"how we handle people"/manipulation/hypocrisy. Whatever you like to call it.

I think I have grumbled too much crap here, extrapolated my opinions beyond sensible reasoning.

Fuck, why is there so much to think about.

Btw, writing about my discontent with the MAD juniors on my blog seems rather public, but I guess no one reads my blog anymore these days anyway. If you happen to do so, I do hope you take it with an open mind.

2011-11-28T20:07:00.002+08:00

I finish yet another draft of my personal statement.

Help needed. The ECG teacher is away from office until next Monday.

Omg, I want to submit the application soon.

2011-11-24T16:43:00.002+08:00

http://www.mindef.gov.sg/arc/careers.html#careers=officer&sub=salary-benefits

Walao, Army's starting pay really very high leh. Hahhaha

You know your life is gg-ed when you're looking at jobs and you end up at the Army Recruitment website. Noooo, wth.

2011-11-22T21:45:00.000+08:00

Worked till 9pm on my 3rd last working day voluntarily.

I don't know why I do the things I do sometimes.

2011-11-22T01:28:00.001+08:00

I swear 'intrigued' is the word for UCAS PS.

2011-11-21T23:59:00.002+08:00

Call in the day, call in the afternoon, call in the night.

To take off, take leave. Mother/father/brother/sister/grandpa/grandma ill, girlfriend pregnant/want to abort child/quarrel + fight, gamble/owe loansharks money, steal hand-phones, whack people after getting drunk, take drugs, hand/leg/knee/shin/finger/shoulder/teeth/balls pain, headache/stomachache......

Why man got so much problems?

10 more days till the pink IC.

Don't have to hear all these stupid reasons anymore. Sometimes, I feel like a counsellor and a father/mother. Of course, assisted by the SAF Act Chapter 295.

But I would say it has been a hell lot of experience to handle these people.

I guess it kinda reflects the society at large. A microcosm of the society.

2011-11-19T13:17:00.002+08:00

People step up in times of adversity.

What happens if there's none?

I'm damn saddened to see what MAD has turned into today.

2011-11-16T23:59:00.001+08:00

I need to rewrite personal statement again.

2011-11-14T05:15:00.000+08:00

I finally finished drafting my personal statement.

2011-11-14T01:51:00.002+08:00

I took out my Secondary 4 Humanities Research Paper and was pretty amazed by the things I came up with.

2011-11-13T15:06:00.001+08:00

I read that it's a real story? Zzz omg.

2011-11-13T01:29:00.003+08:00

Watched 那些年，我們一起追的女孩 today.

Really like the movie cause...it reminded me of the school days. How we were all so carefree without the burdens of everyday life, how our relationships were so innocent, how everything was so much simpler.

在学校生活中与喜欢的女孩那么单纯的暧昧，不管结果如何，我想真的是对多数人来说一生难忘的美好回忆。

2011-11-09T23:18:00.001+08:00

The more I read about it, the more excited I am about getting into a PPE course.

I think I will be quite disappointed if I don't get any offers. :/

2011-11-09T01:07:00.001+08:00

We lose touch.

We forget.

We move on.

All the time. Damn it. It's so sad.

2011-11-08T23:13:00.004+08:00

Applying for uk universities - exciting much. I really hope I can get the PPE courses. For interest and future's sake.

Preparing to ORD - going to camp twice a week needs some time to get used to. The people in my camp are giving me problems as usual, running away from camp and such. Wondering if I should continue to be strict as I have been or learn to ignore and watch things go wrong....but I have to say it's hard not to be myself.

Trying to get things going for MAD alumni - talking to Ms Chen, talking to juniors, talking to seniors. Things look great and hope our efforts can make it even greater. I wonder why I am doing all these...maybe it's out of a sense of responsibility, ownership and wanting to see something good come out of something I treasure much.

4 years since I started breaking - omg, it's really been a long while. And I gotta admit I do not like I have been doing so for four damn years. The improvement in technicalities are so minimal, sometimes I feel ashamed. Perhaps, it's a lack of effort, a lack of motivation. But I dance, I still do. Trying to have some fun, using some bits of creativity here and there. But I guess effort counts. A lack of motivation to put in the effort really gets you nowhere.

Gonna find work to do. Gonna earn some money. Sorting my life.

(I bought an iPad 2 btw. Woohoo. :D)

Can't believe I'm gonna be 21 in two month's time.

Anyway, life goes on.

2011-08-29T00:34:00.001+08:00

Mad.
Personal statement.

Contact lens.

Reading.

Notebk/desktop.

2011-06-27T22:22:00.001+08:00

Some got plans for the world.

I only have a little plan for my CCA in jc.
How ambitious of me.

I like to keep track of my roots a lil more.

2011-06-20T22:29:00.001+08:00

Just tired.

2011-06-06T22:46:00.002+08:00

I swear Wan Zhong Wei produces one of the best photographs/videos around.

I am damn hyped up from watching their dancenight videos.

Omg omg omg.

2011-06-06T22:09:00.000+08:00

Am I trying to hard? :/

I'm just too tired for now.

Good things, pls start happening.

2011-06-01T22:08:00.002+08:00

I am somewhat saddened by the response the juniors are giving me. I wonder if it is me who failed as a senior or they who failed as juniors. Or there's just something in between the two which is at fault.

I get a feeling the dance night juniors don't really like the seniors. Or maybe they don't even like each other a lot. Either way, I question if I have interfered too much in their business. But this is not their business! It's a legacy to uphold, a tradition to preserve. There is history to be understood and appreciated. There's a present to believe in. And there's a future to strive for.

But it all seems lost. I don't know if it is true. But I'm getting an impression that no one gives a damn about all these. Almost felt like things are lost. The only people who are responding to me are those from my batch or a year younger. Perhaps, they knew me better. Perhaps, they cared and bothered more.

So much for HC Dance Night. Maybe I'm too idealistic. But I will continue to try. Maybe I don't make the best senior/advisor but I will continue to reflect.

But it is really very painful to see this fall apart, if it really happens.

I hope it doesn't.

2011-05-30T00:28:00.003+08:00

I learnt something today.

When you make a speech, prepare for it. Especially if you're not a natural speaker.

On a side note, I am cracking my head how to do up this dance night guide thing. And how to keep it alive and going for all the graduating/graduated batches and the current batch. :/ :/ :/

2011-05-28T20:19:00.003+08:00

You know the in-fashion things nowadays:

1. Earphones/headphones/damn expensive audio systems

2. Cameras/photography
3. Doing marathons, ultramarathons/cycling/doing triathlons, ironman stuff

It's so uncool/no life if you aren't doing any of the above nowadays.

And I'm not.

Hahahaha.

2011-05-26T00:05:00.001+08:00

What's the point of saying wise things when one's day-to-day actions do not reflect the same depth he portrays with his occasional words?

Just another hypocrite.

2011-05-21T23:15:00.002+08:00

For knowledge retention sake, we need to work on an Ultimate Dance Night Guide.

New project I shall embark on.

Cannot let things go to waste like that every year.
Watch alr, heart v pain.

2011-05-16T13:28:00.000+08:00

Lack of self-confidence and a constant need to reassurance from other people.

Must get rid of this luhh.

2011-05-15T03:57:00.004+08:00

Just someone who works hard and do things from his heart.

Not someone who does things to claim credit, so I should stop falling into that trap even though I might be given credit for doing something, anything. That was not my motive and it should never become one.

Not a very intellectually deep person, so I should stop creating any false impression to myself that I am. Believes my rational interpretation is of some value but not the best, yet. Work in progress, seeks to become someone of that sort one day.

Work in progress.

2011-05-13T00:34:00.000+08:00

"It's not about how hard the course is to get in, how many people are inside nor how much you earn from the course, it's about why you even decided to take the course in the first place."

Like wow. :/
So idealistic.

2011-05-12T21:55:00.000+08:00

Can't help but feel dejected in the face of things.

Never in my life had I faced so many rejections. My post-junior college academic life has been less than positive so far. For some reason, everything seems to be going wrong. I will not get anything I have applied. Out of 5 UK universities I applied to, 3 showed me the rejection letter, including the one university that I really wanted. Out of the 3 statutory boards I applied to for scholarships, not one even bothered calling me up for interview. I applied to USP and they rejected me too.

Just before I went off for this short leave/off break, someone had to ask me whether I am facing any problems and ask why I seem to be not motivated at work.

Why?

Am I really that bad?

At least I managed to score 3 H2s + GP A and the ugly was the C I got from CSC. Isn't that of any worthy consideration? If I were to put these systemic, tangible measurements of one's abilities aside, the only other reason why I ended up in this state is because of - myself. There's something wrong with me which I can't see myself. Can someone tell me what is wrong?

As much as I want and like to, I always thought myself to be someone of, at the very least, some worth. I would like to believe I have been and am still a hardworking person. Sincere, genuine, concerned, (quite) analytical person. Am I not? At least from my own heart, I can say that I try my best to be that image of myself most of the times.

I am not good at relating and communicating to people. At least I get the impression that I don't. Even though, I believe I am not that totally pathetic. Perhaps, some component of my character/behaviour is causing all these havoc with my life right now. But I really don't know what. If anyone can tell me off or tell me what is wrong with myself, I will gladly accept and reflect.

But really, I don't know what the heck is wrong with myself. As if being hardworking is wrong, being sincere is wrong, being good is wrong, being truthful and real is wrong.

And it hurts, you know. It's painful. Knowing you tried so hard but you're still not good enough. But I got to admit that is another sad fact in life that can't be changed.

I feel very lost. I feel very lonely. I feel very rejected.

Facing all these, I know the only step ahead is to take everything in my stride. 穷则变，变则通。Something I learnt from a interior designer turned taxi-driver during one of my cab rides home. And maybe 化悲愤为力量。I know what I want to do in life should not be so easily stopped because of these setbacks. Seems easier said than done.

Perhaps I convicted myself too much into chasing all these social benchmarks which are, at the end of the day, of no value to what defines one's life. But it is always difficult to ignore them, having lived in such a societal set-up all 20 years of my life.

Tell me - how, now?

2011-04-25T20:56:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I look at facebook and then go, "WTF?!?!"

Why is Singapore so small? It's like you know of two persons as independent entities. One was single, got attached for a few years and then ended up as single again. Then one day, you saw these two people in a relationship on facebook and has their photo as their profile picture. Shocked man.

Singapore is too small. Why does everyone know everyone? Omgggg.

2011-04-24T15:27:00.002+08:00

What's with the world nowadays!

All the wrong people getting all the attention. Why are there so many thick-skinned people nowadays? Thick-skinned, arrogant people who think the world owes them a living....that's just plain weird. Being irrational and illogical seems to be the in-thing these days.

Where's all the sense in this world gone to?

2011-04-17T01:39:00.003+08:00

Went for USP interview today and had a few moments of realisation....

I guess a broad-based education would only be as effective as proclaimed when one is interested in whatever it has to offer. Interest can grow but the purpose must be found, if not already known to yourself.

But I found my purpose! So I think okay lah....just see how it goes.

Getting offered something is always better than not getting offered anything. Lol, more choices = higher standard of living. Got that from some econs lesson. So when I have more choice in terms of uni admissions, I will obviously feel better. Hehe.

2011-04-15T20:51:00.001+08:00

It's interesting how my superior texted me to tell me I don't have to return to camp tomorrow when I had no intentions to return in the first place. :/

Am I one step faster or one step too fast? Haha.

2011-04-12T22:50:00.005+08:00

Sometimes I just want to sit down and reflect upon myself.

I think I....

1. Put myself down too much. Making me stressed and sad most of the time.
2. Need to plan his things better and/or improve his memory.
3. Am too kancheong when it comes to things. (I think mainly because I never plan things properly and then I will miss this out, miss that out....oops)
4. Am too easily envious of people! :/
5. Don't know how to reject people nicely. Making me kinda a easy target to be taken advantage of. :/ Haai. (How to say no...)
6. Am not kind with my words when it comes to pointing out the source/root of problems. (In that way, people tell me I say the 'wrong things' though I don't really think so. It's just things that are not nice to say because it will people into trouble. Perhaps, I need to learn the art of persuading/getting people to do certain things without having to point fingers.)
7. Focus on the source of problem more than the solution. (partly because I believe to solve the problem we have to tackle it from the root/source. Isn't it?! Then again it's back to persuading people to achieve objectives...sometimes how we go about doing it is a little bit misguided but hmmm...idk.)

And most importantly,

8. Need to appreciate the good things in life more.

2011-04-04T20:55:00.003+08:00

I like being frank.
I like having that end in mind, that sense of purpose.
To set out to complete something.

When I see something is wrong, I would uncover the culprit. I hate to cover things up, resolve them myself, etc. Perhaps not the way I should work outside.

Hmmm. Idk.

2011-03-27T13:25:00.003+08:00

How do I balance

theory with practice,
work with fun,
rationality with creativity,
principles with flexibility?

How?

2011-03-27T13:12:00.001+08:00

Wonders why he always spends so much time wondering.

The direction doesn't seem clear enough.

2011-03-26T13:06:00.001+08:00

我们活着是为了什么？

2011-03-20T02:58:00.004+08:00

Big aspirations, big dreams.

Bogged down by the weariness of everyday life.

Just feel like emoing at some corner.
Recharging some power.
To relocate myself in the crowd.
And get back on route.

2011-03-13T01:51:00.003+08:00

Some people are just too smart. Guess it's about how you can still survive when you're not that smart. Hmmm.

Seeing so much from everyday life nowadays.

WHAT SCHOLARSHIPS AND WHAT UNI. OMG ><

2011-03-07T23:44:00.002+08:00

Now I have seen more of the society, what am I supposed to do with it?

Heard how painful living in this world is, what do I do?

Accept and move on.
What else can we do?

Reviewing my outlook of life. It only gets more depressing.
Pending self-reflection. Maybe it's me lah; everything doesn't seem right leh.

2011-03-06T23:14:00.003+08:00

Things I face in army. Leads me to reflection.

Too tired and busy to stop and think.

I'm lost in all the uni and scholarship apps again.

2011-03-04T17:57:00.001+08:00

One of my man threatened me in camp today. I don't know if what I did was correct.

Complications of life. Some people really don't deserve to live in this world.

Forgivingness is so overrated.

2011-02-26T22:48:00.003+08:00

Fatigue.

It's so scary. I could fall asleep while standing and waiting for train. The worst part is I will forget why I was there and what I was doing for a moment. Five seconds of shell-shock. For that moment, I felt lost and alone. Or perhaps, I am.

Lost in the sea of emotions and feelings.

Trying to see meaning out of work, trying to make sense out of my life.

2011-02-20T15:49:00.002+08:00

I found myself some things to do!

Sounds good and feels great to know uh. That life is more than whatever I have been lamenting over.

Coming back, to talk about breaking. I had this encounter with Felix outside Orchard central for the first time in such a long while, him asking me have I been breaking and such.......it reminded me of how long I have not been dancing properly. :/ Felix the teacher, always the teacher. Don't understand why, but there's this awesome aura about him. I want to get on with breaking serious again, like right now. Hahahaha. How impulsive.

2011-02-15T22:18:00.002+08:00

Life feels sad, direction-less and kinda meaningless now.

I really hate bureaucracy.
And I hate my job.
Can't wait to ORD.

2011-02-15T21:11:00.001+08:00

Emozxz song.
Haha, so nice (:

2011-02-14T21:15:00.001+08:00

Freedom comes with a price, a responsibility to manage that freedom.

Why is it so painful even when I am given that freedom I always wanted now?

2011-02-09T22:23:00.003+08:00

I guess, when you care about something right from the heart, you act in a different manner and people can feel it. Been a long time since I had that good feeling.

Then again, reflections for my work now....In short, I think the training simply hasn't prepared me for the job la. Whatever I'm doing now, no one has taught me before. I have to learn from scratch; I have no background as a company quartermaster (CQ) and sorts. How would I know how to do everything at the back of my hands? Yes, 'll learn. But how long will that take? How am I supposed to grasp the specificities of each job at the back of my hand? Does it mean I have to randomly do it and hope nothing bad happens? And only learn something when something bad happens. I hate this. But perhaps.....it's a learning point. To learn through trying; when bad things happen, take it in your stride? Wlao, but this is not fair. I don't want to get in any trouble for nothing.

2011-02-02T21:25:00.003+08:00

Huge tasks in front of me right now. But I'm hesitating to take them on. For I know, once it begins, there's no end to it. Should I or should I not?

Haai. Isn't this what I always wanted to do? Some purpose and some meaning. But I have been inactive for so long; the inertia has built up for quite time. Oh well.

Have always been a nice guy...and not tried to make anyone unhappy. But you know...as you move on in life, everything has been telling me to not bother being a nice guy to everyone. Some people don't appreciate, some people don't really care about you. Being polite and nice and a little reserved and all...I think it sets one in a disadvantaged position rather than putting you in a good position to handle things when things need to be done. Think sometimes I need to be a little mean, a little nasty. Some people deserved to be stabbed in the front, hopefully I don't have to do the back one.

Think I need to learn how to be a bad guy. And how to be a good guy all again. Trials and tribulations of the office.

How I wish I could go back to the school environment where everything is so prim and proper; the worst thing that could happen to you might just be....I have no idea. What terrible thing could happen in the school context? Let's not even talk about being kicked out of school, 'cause I don't think that's something which would happen so long you still carry yourself with morals and don't do things which might become a little out of hand. Haha.

Am really tired. I don't know how I'm gonna work outside next time. I need my environment to be filled with constructive people, again.

I need to improve my language mastery too. I need to read up on current affairs. I need to learn driving. Think I should start on a checklist.

2011-01-29T14:07:00.001+08:00

My room's in a mess. My office's in a mess. My schedule's in a mess.

Lucky my life isn't yet. And my values aren't as well. Hopefully, they are not gonna join the rest of...almost everything that has been pretty much of a mess.

2011-01-25T12:24:00.000+08:00

Rahhhh my english is deteriorating anyway. ):
Need to start writing more.

2011-01-24T22:25:00.006+08:00

Happy birthday to myself (:

Of course, I'm disgusted by the way things are run. I believe I will see uglier things out in the society. How things are done to satisfy/please people...and not the way it should have been done. Have I not seen enough of the society to understand how we will all eventually fall to this decadence? Or is this a test of my character?

In any way, I don't know why I am being mum about rude behaviour. Maybe deep inside, I don't want to play rank even though I am given the authority to demand so. In any case, some people really don't know how to respect others. May they meet some nasty dude who would give them a good whacking. Or they might anger me enough for me to be that nasty dude.

On a side note, I wished I have never commissioned. Or perhaps, let me do something either more slack or more meaningful. I am an Officer of the Singapore Armed Forces. I did not commission to become a coffee boy. I choose to believe that I have worked so hard for nine months....for something greater than this. But this is what reality is telling me. Or is a real test of what is meant by professionalism?

2011-01-17T21:15:00.001+08:00

It's gonna be a tough challenge.

But I tell myself I'm going to make it happen.
After all, isn't that what I have been looking for?

2011-01-16T02:25:00.001+08:00

Commission lo!
After 9 long mths.

2011-01-09T10:00:00.001+08:00

If I could be a little less sceptical.
If I could always see the brighter side of things.

2010-12-31T16:40:00.001+08:00

"It isn't right or wrong, its just a way of life."...

2010-12-26T01:17:00.001+08:00

Nothing like good music, drinks and friends.

Rethinking, rethinking.

2010-12-24T07:35:00.002+08:00

Had enough of stereotyping of jc and poly students in army.

2010-12-23T06:58:00.002+08:00

Felt like the first time I worked my brain on something academic for a really long time. Am really thankful there are people who listen, are open to what is being said and do not dismiss someone prematurely.

2010-12-21T08:19:00.004+08:00

I am convinced that, at certain moments in our lives, we serve no purpose than to make noise and create a nuisance.

Some people do that all their lives and ride on the sentiments of the crowd to generate support for themselves but, in the end, does nothing to improve anything. Really.

On a side note, seeing some photos...
Haai. So sad ):

2010-12-13T07:40:00.000+08:00

Sitting on the chair, listening to dance night tracks.
Oh well.

2010-12-12T00:59:00.002+08:00

As you move on in life, there are too many things that make you forget what you once trusted in. Made you lose trust in people, made you lose faith in this world. Wondering what we're fighting for, other than for yourself.

Passion in the things we do, sincerity in the way we treat people and a bit of humanity to care for the people around you.

But sadly, most people care for themselves and what they do and what they enjoy, even if that is built on the misery of others. What other word is there other than 'decadence' to better describe what is happening around us.

Guess I'll need a little faith.

2010-12-05T13:25:00.003+08:00

Shortening and remembering what I wanted to say in the previous previous post is:

I/we have come to the conclusion that everyone in this world is fked/screwed up in one way or another. And that there seems to be no meaning for me/us to work our hearts out for the rest of this world which is screwed up, that it may be a good thing we get wiped by some ailens or something. (HAHA.)

And as the world seems to be getting darker these days, all we can depend on is that little bit of faith and love left in all of us. :/ Haai.

2010-11-30T07:08:00.001+08:00

Needs to learn how to deal with personal attacks.
Sometimes they just strike up too much emotions to ignore them.

Come on come on, I need to learn to be ambivalent.

2010-11-29T07:13:00.002+08:00

Was bloghopping among some jc friends...came across van's one.

ABSURDITY: the human desire to find meaning in life and the ultimate failure to do so.

Why will the ultimate answer be failure...I don't understand. And don't agree. Perhaps, we are not here to find meaning in life. We are here to add meaning to our lives. We choose the 'meaning' that we want to have in our lives. Forgive me if I'm ignorant, but I don't see any greater purpose in human's existence. We just happen to be here because of natural processes, maybe evolution what-so-ever. There is no meaning to find because there is none to begin with. Even if we get wiped off the planet one day, I don't there's much of a difference to anything else. Maybe only biological and ecological implications? And....less of all the destruction we have created, already.

So...I sat down and think. And think. And think. What are the things that would make the world a better place? Thatcould probably be something meaningful for one to do in his lifetime. Then I continued to ponder. Why bother thinking/working so hard on all these things? 'Making the world a better place'. For who? A better place for who? For me? For you? For the guy who makes no appreciation of your efforts and doing the exact opposite for whatever reasons?

As much as this is the sad reality and we will eventually get wiped out or wipe each other out (and perish together), I guess it's good to think about happy things in this world that matter. Things that would touch our heart and tear, make us stop for a moment and reflect. (though most of the times, that reflection and guilt lasts for minutes/hours before we revert back to our original self, disregarding the implications of our actions).

So what are these things.....love is one of them I believe? 'm still figuring them out. But I really believe these things are so much more worth pursuing than the meaningless, short-lived material gratifications we get from...whatever activities they are.

Oh well.

2010-11-27T14:46:00.001+08:00

How our priorities change as we move.
Things we forget.

2010-11-26T10:30:00.000+08:00

恨太多没结果，
往事重提是折磨。

2010-11-26T07:10:00.001+08:00

If life is only about living in havoc,

guess I really have no idea what it is.

2010-11-25T22:47:00.002+08:00

I realised my blog was like a tumblr last time. Pity it isn't like that anymore.

Anyway, oonbeng's one is pretty interesting.
http://breatheandgo.tumblr.com

2010-11-25T21:21:00.003+08:00

A long time since I sat somewhere quiet, alone.
Enjoying the serenity, the silence, the peace.

And reflecting on how much my life has progressed from...the last time I reflected on my life. Guess reading the previous posts remind myself of the motivated & clear-minded times.

Sometimes we are all too tired from the daily bustle and hustle of life, the realities of this world. And how tired we have become when we have to face it everyday. Enjoying the mindless, senseless 'cheap thrill' and forgetting what I was meant for or what was meant to be done. We call this 'procrastination'. Right? But as we move on, we get hit by reality harder each time. If we/I don't sort our life out and do some planning, I will probably see the implications in years to come.

Plan, plan, plan.

At least, finally. My UCAS application is out! Out to the universities, making me so excited. Then again...I may not have seen enough to know what I want, given my character and values don't change. There might be better things out there, greater things to do beyond the shores of Singapore....isn't that what the whole 'going overseas to study' thing is all about?

There is a lot of inertia to apply to New York Uni because of the process involved....but then again, I stop and thought for a while. Is New York really the place I want to go? Indeed, New York is one of the most important cities of the world...people from all over the world come and leave the place. Good place to go, to see this world. Oh well, maybe it's true.

Perhaps, places, where we think there are no opportunities, are the ones with the most. If you get what I mean...Aiya feeling very disjointed today. Hope I can sort out my thoughts some time soon.

Wondering how I will be like in 10 years' time...